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Black Castle II

by Wizard Skin

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1.
inaudible spoken story
2.
So Sick 01:47
So Sick I'm So Sick
3.
I'm so tired and I can't believe that I could ever be this diseased burned all my money and lost all my friends the only thing left is to be the deceased fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck
4.
5.
fuck your obedience and fuck your authority and fuck your direction and fuck everything you say fuck your integrity and fuck your complacency and fuck your pretty faith and fuck everything you say don't look at me, don't talk to me, don't think of me, don't touch me
6.
I'm so sick and anxious all the time I can't breathe I just bleed I'm feeling sad and furious all the time I can't breathe I just sleep I'm feeling sad and furious all the time I can't breathe I just sleep I'm so sick and anxious all the time I can't breathe I just bleed
7.
you think? you think you're so perfect. you think? you think you're so perfect? you think? you think you're so perfect? you think? you think you're so perfect! ...and the mother she spoke to me, about the weight of god's decisions. ...and the mother she spoke to me, about the weight of god's decisions. ...and the mother she spoke to me, about the weight of god's decisions.
8.
sorry about the things I said I wasn't feeling like myself I'm sorry about the things I said shit... I guess I wasn't acting like myself I guess I wasn't feeling like myself maybe I was going a little mad maybe I'm a little fucking mad maybe I'm a little fucking mad with myself maybe I'm a little fucking mad with myself but it's okay, it's okay cause I'm gonna be fucking okay...
9.
No God 03:57
I gather up the praise to liven up my pain through haunted bullshit sat a painting of the sane worships loss of life to know you have a place to live among the dead you laugh at life you led you act the part again but no one really cares who is or isn't there get down on your knees pray your soul he'll keep or something make believe that we can beg for sleep one of us believes in all these corny dreams he has made for me a bed to lie my head now that night has come but I just can't belive or force myself to sleep to dream a life of love and all that comes with that no god.
10.
The Loss 01:41
So sick of losing everything in my hand the love and the life that forever withstand time I thought I had quickly vanished just one more second please let it exist so sick of the loss

about

A few months ago, I wrote the first song on this album - which was intended to be a hypothetical song about me and my 5-year-old son visiting the park and seeing a squirrel die. The idea was how do I explain death/loss to a child? Little did I know that I would be in that exact situation. On October 1st, 2023, we suddenly lost my dad to lung cancer. He had been diagnosed the year prior, but he was doing so well with his treatments. It was such a shock when he took an afternoon nap and didn’t wake up. It crushed our family. It’s been hard to deal with it, because that man was the strength and relief for our family. He held us up and would always make us laugh. I’d lie if I said this album was intended to be about celebrating life and death originally, but that’s kind of what it shaped up to be, I ended up finishing about half of the album since his passing. I took time off from work and became a recluse while trying to deal with it. I’ve always struggled with depression and mania. This album as much as it is about death, loss, grief, anxiety, and depression, it is also about life and appreciation of it.

Written from the first hand experience navigating grief, especially the depression & angry elements of it, moments of experimental dark ambience are sprinkled throughout the album with short bursts of aggressive electronic punk, influenced by my favorite hardcore albums of my youth with lyrics drawn from the depths of my depressive state. The music you hear on this album is the most authentic representation of my experience over the past few months and an exploration of my bipolar disorder and adhd in terms of both spontaneity and anxious excitement through changes in the speed and volume of the music.

For context: Black Castle is the studio in which I produce my music. The Black Castle albums are supposed to be heavily about depression and anxiety. The idea is I'm this wizard creating dark music from this Black Castle. This album is slightly different because of the majority of the subject matter. Yet it still heavily focuses on depression.

I hope if you too are in a dark place that this album brings you comfort in that you are not alone.

credits

released January 15, 2024

All modular/stand alone hardware & software synths, programmed/sampled drums, sampling, vocals & field recordings by Anthony Aguilar
except for:
tenor & alto saxophone on "Dizzy" by John Hernandez
piano & synths on "Dizzy" by Empty Heaven (Anthony Sanders)
guest vocal scream on "Wasn't Feeling Like Myself" by Ian Aguilar

Album art by Christian Mata (instagram.com/chris_isu_m)

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about

Wizard Skin San Antonio, Texas

Wizard Skin is an Electro Noise project based out of San Antonio, TX created by Anthony Aguilar. It blends elements of electronic, psychedelia, and hardcore punk to create an ADHD laden anxiety attack of a listening experience. Wizard Skin uses synths and drum machines as the foundation for each song layering it with live instruments and distorted vocals run through fuzz pedals. ... more

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